self-portrait

this is how i want to be remembered i guess. medyo payat-looking, and serious about my craft. o di ba, i have a craft and its somewhat artistic! nice to know, hehe!

i took this photo yesterday, when we visited a friend's clinic in minneapolis. there was an empty room beside his clinic, which has a mirror placed against the wall of what would soon be a beauty salon. i just had to take a photo of myself, out of instinct i guess. im usually alone when i go around and take photos, and when i lack a subject, ginagawa ko na lang subject ang sarili ko. hehe. makes sense, di ba? :)

did you notice the camera im holding? its no longer the old kodak camera i have. this one's a digital slr :) pinag-ipunan ko talaga yan at pinangarap ng matagal-tagal. im really excited about having this camera and can't wait to learn more about photography and be able to use it to take much better photos -- ones that i could actually be truly proud of and put in nice frames and sell to people, not just to make money but to be able to prove to myself that my work can be good enough that people would seek them out and be moved or affected enough and want the photos to be part of their own spaces (at home, the office or virtually, in websites). sana one day it will happen to me :)

click here or the photo above to view my Flickr homepage and see more photos I have recently uploaded from my trips to 6 Flags (an amusement park here in Illinois), Wisconsin Dells, Texas and Minneapolis in Minnesotta. i haven't uploaded that many pics yet, but i hope you will take a look at what's already in there na rin. let me know your thoughts, you can actually post comments in there if you have a Yahoo! account :)

cheers!

Breakaway

....ill do what it takes 'til i touch the sky....

here's the root of the root, the bud of the bud

i carry your heart with me

i am never without it

anywhere i go, you go

and whatever is done by only me is your doing

(adopted from e.e. cumming's poem)

To My Mom:

hi mom. i already greeted you but what i didn't tell you was that i miss being around you so much. i miss your kwento about your co-teachers, your co-teachers' daughters, and your co-teacher's daughters' daughters... i miss having our daing-with-kamatis breakfast with you while we listen to your favorite AM radio station...i miss your kwento regarding your students which is usually about how you would discipline them for being noisy and loitering around while you went to the comfort room....how you would teach them to write neatly using ballpens...On weekends, i miss watching The Buzz with you -- which you pretend to not enjoy watching -- and reading the Sunday papers with you. I remember how you love to read the Sunday Inquirer magazine and mark the pages for me, so I wouldn't miss the good articles there.

but what i miss the most is this (when i would stay at lola's or at my Makati dorm): the warmest hugs and kisses you give me when i go home each weekend -- you would open the door at usually 1am or 2am and tell me how you have been worried a little about me going home so late and how much you have prayed that i'll get home safe. you will wait for me to change into my house clothes then knock on my door to see if i still want to have dinner. if i did, you would help prepare the table and sit across me and ask how my week has been...it's late and you have things to do early in the morning but you still sit there, excited that i have come home at last. i appreciate that so much and look forward to coming to our home each week.

i don't suppose you will read this anytime soon, but someday i will let you know that i wrote something about you in my blog -- i will of course explain to you what a blog is. sorry for posting your picture, i know how you hate having your picture taken, you will probably hate this even more... but this is a good photo, and i think you are beautiful in it -- so don't be angry at me :)

happy mother's day, nanay -- thank you for being the mom that i can be so proud of. thank you for the countless, continuous prayers -- i suspect that this is probably the MAIN reason why i continue to be blessed in ways that i think i do not deserve. thank you for loving me the way you do, selflessly and unconditionally. i understand what God's grace means because of you and i consider my life blessed and beautiful just because you are a part of it. thank you for showing me the person i want to become. thank you for everything.

i love you, mom -- this is something i still find hard to say in person so please learn how to use text messaging in cellphones so i can say it more often :)

-Your Chinggay

Changing Hues

how many storms can there be in one quiet afternoon?

Reluctance

The stanzas below are taken from "Reluctance" by Robert Frost:

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
The flowers of the witch hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
But the feet question "Whither?"

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?

-ooo-

i know that it's spring outside
and flowers are in bloom. but last night,
my heart has somehow withered...

Beautiful Strangers

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?

You are a child of God, small games do not work in this world. For those around us to feel peace, it is not example to make ourselves small. We were born to express the glory of God that lives in us. It is not in some of us, it is in all of us. While we allow our light to shine, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same. When we liberate ourselves from our own fears, simply our presence may liberate others."

- Marianne Williamson in Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles

they say...

...it takes two months to get over homesickness and start feeling more okay about being away from your loved ones. i think it might really be true. i had the toughest month the entire April...i don't really understand why, but i thought the days were simply dragging and i would easily lose concentration or interest in the things i do during the day. i guess it was mostly because i wasn't getting enough sleep -- sleep "routine" was too erratic, i was trying to catch up on my friends in Manila during the night and wasn't able to go to bed in a decent hour. tapos concall at 6am or 7am :(

glad April was over -- and things are looking better this May. i am getting much needed sleep again, can do my chores diligently, im able to go out with friends and even go to the gym :) i already have plans for each weekend of this month, and im just thrilled about it:

• week 1: take the architectural tour around chicago with shellane and her friends/relatives. we're also visiting the chinatown and at night will be sipping hot chocolate at the 95th floor of the john hancock center. ill take pictures, syempre!
  
• week 2: i plan to go to a salon and get a hair cut and some foot massage (kasama sa package); mother's day celebration at tito roger's -- i'll help tito roger cook kebab!
  
• week 3: volunteer for the walk and roll chicago (american cancer society). ill be giving out food and t-shirts to the participants; go to Dallas, Texas for a conference -- im actually going on a business trip there and will be speaking in front of a group of people from Manila, india and other parts of US. these are my colleagues most of whom i havent met yet.
  
• week 4: memorial day here in the US, no work and lots of discounts in the mall -- we're driving to minneapolis and visit the mall of america where there's 0% sales tax. nice!

-ooo-

you know what, april wasn't completely bad...the days were just going by too slowly and my head was always floating in the air -- but i had several highlights from my second month of stay here in the US: i rode the subway (first time) and the train going outside chicago, took good pictures of the city (click on the photo below to view more pictures), natapos ko panoorin ang 19 DVDs ng Jewel in the Palace (ang gaaaandaaaa! -- watch it when you can), i attended several fun parties (will post pictures and a video soon!), and best of all i went to wisconsin and bought some pretty neat stuff at the outlet mall -- its the best shopping day for me since i started working and paying for everything i need (drama!). the best merchandise i bought was a 20$ banana republic jeans and several gap shirts at 50% off that i can wear at work. ganda. i hope shopping at the mall of america in minneapolis would be as much fun as shopping there at kenosha. i can't wait for the memorial day and be able to buy some good quality shoes and clothes for a bargain.

subway in chicago

-ooo-

eto pa pala: this april, i became friends with tito roger -- ang tito ng bayan! i didn't meet him last year when i was here pero i always hear his name from other onshore folks who would always visit him and spend the weekend and holidays with his family. bait 'to, sobra, very generous. reminds me of my tito/ninong willy at home. last easter, he gave me a "Christmas" present and last week naman, he gave me a nice gift which i love and had been hoping to buy. sobrang thank you, tito! sana makabawi rin ako sa inyo one of these days or pagbisita ninyo sa Pilipinas :)

easter cookout at tito roger's

-ooo-

i just realized i have been to several states na: illinois, new jersey, new york, wisconsin! that's four already and by end of may, magiging anim na! i should have bought souvenirs from each state, but i forgot to buy something from new jersey and wisconsin. oh well, sana makabalik one of these days. hehe.