so i just want to say... today, im no longer gloomy. not quite the same as i was in my last post. to those who replied with their own thoughts about being gloomy, thank you very much. appreciated it with all my heart. but im not about to write anything cheerful either. not today.
today, nothing terrible happened... nothing humiliating or disappointing or discouraging took place. not at home nor at work nor in my private thoughts.
today, i am neither lost nor delirious, but i am obviously not bright nor shiny nor bubbly nor smiling either.
today, i am tired. from work and thinking and also from lack of sleep.
today, i am also sad. not the troublesome and blurry kind of sad. but a better kind of sad. last night i learned about someone's death. so i am sad for the loss of the family. they were close to me and i would spend days and nights at their home when i was younger, sharing family dinners with them and watching movies with them... sad because it's really hard to imagine their life without their loving father and dear husband and friend... my prayers go with them and also to the departed, my Tito Tony, who was genuinely kind to me and cheerful and warm from the moment i met him until the last day i saw him almost two years ago -- may his soul, through God's mercy and loving grace, rest in eternal peace.
today, i am also amazed. to witness what real friendships can turn into even after so many years of silence. to see what genuine love can do or undo and to see what it can become.
today, i am assured. that i was and always will, as do the dearly departed, remain beloved. and today, that is more than enough to bring tears of joy in my heart.
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